THE RUFFETT CHAPTERS: The Difference between Walter White and Heisenberg

The difference between Walter White and Heisenberg is that they are completely different people. Walter White is a nervous wreck, loving father, controller boardering on O.C.D. Heisenberg is a cold-blooded-killer, an amazing manipulator, and an excellent kingpin/drugdealer.

As much as Walter might like it, he never really becomes the evil Heisenberg he creates. However, he does possess many attributes of the so called killer.

In my book Wanna Cook? by Ensley F. Gufrey + K. Dale Koontz, they write that Walter White is not like Tony Soprano or Don Draper despite many critics aligning him with those antiheroes. Well, though I never really watched The Sopranos or Mad Men (just a few episodes here and there), I have to agree because Heisenberg isn't really a man but a man dreamed up by Walter White. He's a madeup character in a madeup world. Maybe Walt knows who Tony and Don are, but since the show loves to inform you of real life criminals, Walt would probably compare himself to someone like Al Capone than a fictional character.

You can all argue with me and say I don't know what I'm writing since Walter White really tries to make himself Heisenberg, but that's the key word: "tries". Yes, he tries very hard but he fails. Some people weren't born to be criminals and Walter is one of them.

In "Ozymandias" (Season 5), Walter calls Skyler and again tries to portray Heisenberg but fails. Why? Because he's crying. He can't keep doing this. He can't keep putting his family in danger because he actually cares about them. He cares what happens to them. He can't even call his wife a "bitch" and leave it at that.

Despite all that Walt has done, he always tries to make the right decision. He leaves Holly in the firestation because he's not trying to rip his family a part, but he has ripped his family from him.
To quote Saul when he's talking about Jesse in "Rabid Dog": "Yeah, but you gotta understand: deep down, he loves me." This is exactly how Walt thinks of his family: "deep down, he loves" them. He can't even let Hank get killed and in the end, Jesse doesn't die despite Walt's command that he needs to be eliminated.

The problem with Walt is that he is all about control and it takes him a longass time to realize that he can't control basically anything no matter how much he tries. He can't control his family, he can't control Jesse, he barely can control anything.

When Hank dies, Walt is heartbroken. He finally realizes exactly what he meant when he told Skyler in "End Times" (Season 4), "Those consequences, they're coming." Hank's death, Jesse's imprisonment, the destruction of Walt's family is all because of those "consequences".

Like I wrote before, some people were not born to be bad. Well, Walt breaks bad but he realizes soon after how that was a really bad idea. Walt's all about control so he just wants to control everything even when he can't. The only reason he's even in the whole meth business is because of cancer. Cancer that fittingly comes back as if to haunt Walt why he started the meth business in the first place.

But what about money? Does Walt care more about that than his family as Hank hints in "Blood Money" (Season 5)? Yes and no. The only reason he cares about the money is because he earned it. He worked for it. Losing that would show how he has nothing to explain his actions. Without his money, he has no evidence to show that everything he did was for good intentions. Walt (as I have written three times now), cares about his family. He fucks it all up because of his own doing but in the end, he cares about his family. He gets a new identity for his family, he makes all that money for his family, he does everything for his family. And as we near the end of the series, Walter White has finally realized what a danger he is to his family. As he said in "Cornered" (Season 4): "I am the danger." Yes, Walt, yes you are. And finally you are now protecting your family from the danger: you.

In conclusion, Walter White is not strong enough to be Heisenberg. To be someone like that, you have to be emotionally cold, distant, and not give a fuck about anything. This means that anything that happens, you are not affected by it. Basically, you become a sociopath or a psychopath or both. Walt is neither of these things and this shows how Heisenberg is a mask and Walt is not the best performer.

THE RUFFETT CHAPTERS: BARNEY STINSON MAY BE THE BIGGEST WOMANIZER ON THE PLANET (AND REMAIN GAY) BUT HE STILL IS THE SADDEST MAN

Barney Stinson, NOT Neil Patrick Harris. Neil Patrick Harris is awesome! Think about it: this man hides from everyone: Ted, Robin, Lily, Marshall, and everybody else. He lies, he cheats, he sleeps, he eats. He’s a fucking baby with suits and other qualities. You know what’s the most depressing part of Barney Stinson? He falls in love with his kid. HIS KID! Not his wife or whomever he banged to produce that child. HIS KID! Hey, that’s nice. But you know what’s nicer? LOVING THE WOMAN WHO PRODUCED THAT CHILD! Anyway, I am rewatching How I Met Your Mother and now I realize how painful Barney’s life is. I never want to be this man. Ted Mosby’s a slut. Shut up. I will never be Barney or Stupid Ted. I am slutty Ted, but only one person can call me that. Ah Hell, everyone can call me that. Doesn’t change me and doesn’t make me think less of myself.

When I was younger, I admired Barney. I thought suits were so cool that I tried it out. I went to a strip club with my friend Sam and we both wore suits. We pretended we were T.V. Anchors and this girl (stripper) really wanted me to go to the V.I.P. room. I didn’t go because A) I AM NOT BARNEY and B) I didn’t have the money. But then we hit a downward spiral where I go into The Madison wearing a suit trying to pick up a girl. The only women I did pick up were older woman who complimented my suitmanship skills. Fuck you, bitches. Honestly, that’s depressing. And this is why I hate The Maddie. Also for another reason but I think that’s one’s psychological. Anyway, it’s miserable watching Barney be an idiot. The brilliance of How I Met Your Mother is character development. You know what that means? People change. Walter White changes into Heisenberg. Marshall changes from weak to strong. Lily changes from cute to a cute mom. Robin changes from closed to open. Barney changes from a liar, a cheat, a scumbag to a man who finally understand what LOVE is. Ted changes from desperate, lonely, hopeless to a changed man because he marries a beautiful woman. So Married Ted becomes HAPPY. Tracy changes from a pushover to STRONG, BEAUTIFUL, INDEPENDENT, LOVING, WOMAN. She has the most rapid change because well, duh. As my friend TradeMark points out, there are no changes in Friends. She’s right! Everyone stays the same. Everyone remains archetypes of themselves. You can try to squeeze change out of the show but good luck. As Dominic’s girlfriend points out: Friends is a sitcom and sitcoms don’t have changing characters. She’s right. Seinfeld’s the same thing and (I hate to admit it) but THE MINDY PROJECT! But I think everyone on this Earth now realizes why I even watched that show. This is disappointing. COMEDIES, LISTEN UP! Be more real. Be more like dramas. I think How I Met Your Mother is the only comedic show that has shown change within its characters so they become people and not archetypes. This is important. This is what makes good writing: good characters. That and good dialogue. The only reason J.K. Rowling is famous, the only reason Jack Reacher is on film, and the only reason so many good shows and movies exist is because of good snappy dialogue. There are many different ways to write a show, movie, book, whatever but writers need to realize that when something works: it has to always work. Dark Places didn’t do so well on Netflix and I don’t know how it fared with the reading crowd, but Gillian Flynn screwed up. She knows it, I know it, and so do many others. Something clicked with Gone Girl that didn’t click with any other book she’s written. Sorry, Gillian. Same with J.K. Rowling. No other book of Jo’s has been highlighted to the same success as Harry Potter. NOTHING! And that must hurt. I think that’s why she’s going back to her roots. I mean, she never said she would never explore Harry Potter’s world again, but that Harry wouldn’t be the main character. Well, guess what? Her latest book is not about Harry, but about his son. Albus? I think. Anyway, with that out of the way I just want to write that shows are moving in a positive direction and I want this to continue. We need more shows like How I Met Your Mother; we really do. The world knows we need more real life comedies.

With writes,

-Andy Ruffett

THE RUFFFETT CHAPTERS: The Problem with Christie

Kids, the problem with Christie is that she is Tracy. But the problem with Tracy is A) she's not real B) she's fictional and C) she's too perfect.

There's is nothing wrong with Tracy. Where are the flaws? There's got to be something Ted does not like about Tracy. She is not perfect. The only people who are perfect live in storybooks. Doesn't Tracy tell Ted that he should stop living in a storybook, to stop living in a fairytale?

The problem with How I Met Your Mother is that the kids never really learn about Tracy. They learn about Ted's version. I guess, in a way it's nice. But it's make Tracy basically a memory, not a human. She's a human with imperfections.

Kids, that's love.

Love has no perfections. Love is blind. Love is hard, love is hard to find. But when you find love and when you find it with that right girl, that right boy, nothing else fucking matters. Why? Because you're together. Sure, there will be fights. But we get through them.

The reason we don't see Tracy's flaws is because she doesn't have any. At least, in Ted's mind and eyes. 

This is Professor Mosby Signing off as Andy Ruffett.

With writes.

THE RUFFETT CHAPTERS: A Greek Thing

Or maybe it's a Christie Thing. It's certainly not a half-Greek thing because all my Greek friends have come to my house but I've never been to theirs. Why I haven't been to Christie's makes sense but what about George? I'm not planning to have sex with George. George says that it's because his house is always being renovated. But isn't it funny? I've never been to any of my Greek friend's houses: Spiro, George, Christie, (I guess Christie's really an exfriend, right? Nah.) and any other Greek friends I haven't mentioned. I've been to Half-Greek houses but never Full-Greek houses. Well, Greek friends. Obviously I've been to Full-Greek people's houses but they were either relatives or friends of my parents or other family members which technically makes them family. Why am I writing this? I don't know, I just thought it's interesting. Food for thought.

With writes,

-Andy Ruffett

THE RUFFETT CHAPTERS: Curfews

This is the chapter where I complain. Fuck you, these are my CHAPTERS! Anyway, fuck curfews. According to my parents I shouldn't be on this computer because I should be sleeping. I'm only allowed on the computer at 8 A.M. until 11 P.M. Well, fuck that. I tried to go back to sleep and failed so now I'm up. Sorry, PARENTS.

God, I hate living at home. There are so many rules that a 24-year-old should never have. Oh, right, sorry, I'm sick. Right, forgot. Well, who said it was your life anyway? Oh, right, sorry, you live here too. Well, I'm sorry, I'm not here by choice I'm here because of circumstances. Stop telling me it's by choice. You think I enjoy living here and remaining unemployed? NO! You think I'm not trying? Seriously? Fuck you. No, I don't actually mean that. I just wrote it so you would shut the fuck up. Oh, I'm sorry. Apparently I have a swearing problem and can't control my emotions. Well, you know what? IT'S ABOUT FUCKING TIME!

Seriously, living at home sucks. Yes, I'm not doing much to fix my situation but the point is, I AM TRYING. Maybe my parents don't see proof but I don't need to prove anything to anyone but myself. And to me, I'm improving. Between you and me reader, I was never sick in the first place. But let's keep that between us, O.K.?

Cool. You're a good friend.

With writes,

-Andy Ruffett

THE RUFFETT CHAPTERS: I've Changed

Ever since Kelowna, I changed. I changed from the happygolucky kid to this depressed sack of shit. What changed? Or was I always this way? There are so many things I have not accomplished in this basketcase life of mine but there have also been so many things I have accomplished: I ran two technically successful writers' groups. The first one in Kelowna didn't last long so that's why it's technical. Of course, my presence there was also technical. The one at York, still works. Sure, my V.P. has now taken charge since I've retired from life but hey, it's a big job running a group especially for a job where my only pay was writing and feedback. I'm still alive. That's a HUGE accomplishment. I don't know, I've gone to school, I've written many books. Nothing published, but still. I have a great group of friends and I'm loved. Yeah, those are good things. Then are the bad things: I'm not published, I'm still single, I still live at home, and I'm still unemployed. Oh yeah, and I don't give a shit about anything.

So what changed? I grew up. I realized life isn't a fucking box of chocolates, it's a toxic wastebin of shit. Sometimes and sometimes not and for me right now, it's all the time. Why? Because I don't care. I already wrote that above. Sorry, I don't give a shit. Seriously, idiots, read between the lines or at least understand the definition of "synonyms" or "rephrasal". Oh, that's not a word? Fuck you, Firefox.

Let's look at my life so far: as a child I was happy because I didn't know what sadness was. When I was in elementary school apparently I was bullied but I was blind to it. In middle school, I wrote my first novel and had my first real crush. She didn't like me and I moved on, but I was famous in my school or at least in my classroom. Everyone knew who I was because of a fucking book. That is pretty cool. High school, I was popular. Maybe not as popular as the popular kids but I was popular. I even had a girlfriend for the close of high school. She dumped me, but the whole relationship was a lie anyway. Well, in my perspective. Then, I'm finally tired of my education and travel with two guys: one a friend and one not. And as the travelling progressed I realized that I really hated this man. Then my friend leaves and so does the annoying person so I'm stuck in Europe alone. Then I got sad. I got really sad. Probably depressed is a good word. There were so many memorable moments on my trip that I wanted to share my experiences with. A girl preferably, but anyone would do. But a part of me realized I was alone and I would remain alone for most of the trip. Sure, I had the odd travel buddy because I'm very likable. But soon they disappeared and so did I. Dating would have been a stupid because I knew I wouldn't find my true love on a trip. Besides, what if I did fall in love? How would that even work out? No. I knew I needed to find my soulmate in Toronto. I think I knew that was how it had to be. Then university happened and I went to Kelowna where I met Mariah who tricked me into loving her even though I already sort of had a crush on her. Then I had a mental breakdown and thought I was involved in some conspiracy that all the smart people tried to deny and hoped I would soon deny. It's called a mental breakdown for a reason!

Anyway, I soon got over that and the fact that the rest of my education would be continued in Toronto so I accepted York with shrugged arms. Then I met Christie and I realized that I couldn't keep doing this. I couldn't keep tricking myself into loving someone. I either loved them or I didn't. And if they didn't love me, but I loved them, so be it. I was tired of sitting in the backseat. I know the backseat too well and I thought it was about damn time I became the driver or at least the passenger. So I grabbed the steering and even though I crashed multiple times, I kept crashing into Christie. And she liked it. I mean, who doesn't love attention? Really? You have a problem. Don't worry, so do I. Different problem but we can work it out. We have meetings every Wednesday. That's today? You're in luck, Chuck.

Then there was Priscila but that was never really a thing because that girl thought I was too clingy. Well, I was. But so is Christie. She clung onto me because she needed me and I needed her. And finally I realized that I didn't care if Christie and I dated. Finally I decided that I didn't give a fuck if anyone loved me or if anyone dated me. I just knew I had found my soulmate because of all the times Christie and I crashed into each other even if I was the one doing the crashing. My best friend, my love of my life. I knew I was right. Christie kept trying to correct me but I had learned that the heart knows what it wants and no one can sway you away from that. Christie could've left me. I was waiting for that day actually. But again, I had to initiate that. So I did. I went completely ballistic on Facebook and Christie got rid of me. Mission accomplished?

Yeah, technically so. She was free and I was free. But I was broken and could never be repaired without Christie's love. And she knew it and I knew it but she couldn't do this anymore. She couldn't have a best friend cling to her thinking of the what-ifs even though she had thought of them too. She fucking cried when I brought up marriage! MARRIAGE! As my friend Whitney facebooked me, THAT'S A BIG DEAL! It was and still is. Christie shrugged it off as her being emotional and having anxiety but I knew that was bullshit. Yes, Christie has anxiety but she also loved me. Probably still does. You never really get over someone you truly, truly love. And Christie truly, truly loved me. But maybe she loves someone more than me and that's why we're not together. She could not fall madly in love with but I could and did and still am in love with her. I guess this is my punishment from God. Sorry, Mate. I'm not sure what I did wrong but I guess it was bad.

With writes,

-Andy Ruffett

THE RUFFETT CHAPTERS: My Sister's Blindness

She's a slut! I don't give a fuck. My sister was wrong. What she had with her boyfriend I had with Christie except the dating part and that's what broke me. How could a girl this beautiful not be into me? How? By lying. By lying to herself and then consequently lying to me. Sister, Christie thought about me! I don't know how often, but she did. Probably as much as I thought about her. People come into our hearts for a reason and Christie's reason was that I was supposed to love this girl forever. That is why I still do.

You see, when it comes to love it doesn't matter if you're dating them or not. When you love someone, you can't give them up even after they give up. That is one of the hardships of love. But if you're strong, you won't let it bring you down like it's done to me. If you're strong, you don't give up on love and you certainly don't give up on the one you love.

So fuck you. Everybody, fuck you. You don't get it and you never will. And you know what? I don't fucking care. You don't need to know. All you need to know is I will smash your teeth in if you criticize Christie. What? You don't think I have it in me. JUST TRY ME MOTHERFUCKER!

With writes,

-Andy Ruffett

THE RUFFETT CHAPTERS: GILLIAN FLYNN HATES MEN!

Does Gillian Flynn hate men? I wonder. I know she's married, but still, DOES SHE HATE MEN?

My mom told me not to read Dark Places because of how horrific it was. Well, they made a movie of that one too but they always make bad movies. I tried Sharp Objects but couldn't get into it. I'm still reading The Cuckoo's Calling but that's because I like Cormoran Strike. He's a character. A REAL PERSON figuratively. Preaker doesn't feel real and the book seems more focused on the dialogue than the actual story. Sorry, Gillian but to me your two other books suck and Gone Girl is a masterpiece. But why do you hate Nick so much?

In the end, Nick loses completely. He loses Amy and Andie. I get what you're writing about and it's what I've always feared: divorce. What if I get married and it doesn't work? In religious times you were bonded to your mate for life no matter if you liked it or not. The only way you could get out of marriage was for your wife to die and then you could remarry. Well, who says no husband killed their wife back then because that was the only way? Now we have divorce. Why do we have divorce? We have divorce so men and women don't feel trapped in their marriage. But here's my question: why the fuck did you marry them in the first place?

Sure, tell me that things change. But you know what I say? Bullshit. If you begin to not love someone, someone that you married then you should have never married at all. I know all the divorcees agree. You have to be sure when it comes to marriage. So what happened in Gone Girl? How did Nick make a mistake with Amy? Nick married a pychopath. That's what happened. And no one can predict you're marrying a psychopath.

Still, why doesn't Nick get a happy ending because it's cliché? If that's the reason you didn't write Nick's happy ending, fuck you Gillian. Nick deserves so much more than that. His life with Andie IS a cliché.

I just think unless you have some deep hated passion for men, your ending makes no sense. Why is Nick punished for what he did to Amy? What's your message? I know you understand crime. You studied it as a journalist. Still, why doesn't Nick get a happy ending? So here's your challenge: your next book has a happy ending because I doubt you've written one of those yet.

With writes,

-Andy Ruffett

THE RUFFETT CHAPTERS: FUCK CHRISTIE

Seriously, I should.

My parents think I have bipolar and even my sister's Godfather now knows I have a problem. Great. Please, spread the fantastic news.

THE RUFFETT CHAPTERS: Jackson Walker

I doubt he will read this so I'm not concerned. My mom thinks he's a bully. Well, was a bully. We're not exactly friends anymore. Was he? Nah. He may have been bulliish but he wasn't a bully. He was just being Jackson. He was just being a kid. When I met my best buds Scott, James, Jackson, and Peter at Bedford Park I had not realized how I had stolen Scott from Jackson. Jackson and Scott had been best buds before I had known them. So yeah, I can understand if he was a bit jealous of me and how he was hoping that I might disappear so he could have his best friend all to himself again. Sorry, Jack.

But as the years went by I think he realized that I was a cool dude even if he didn't always show it. Probably thought I was more wacko though and that I probably should be avoided sometimes. But I was the snack guy. I brought snacks. He didn't ask me, I just had snacks and I was willing to share. Yes, Jackson took advantage of me but I let it happen. I still don't think he bullied me.

Besides, how can I hate the guy now? His parents got divorced when he was quite young and I think after you lose your family like that you never go back.

So Jack, if you read this. No hard feelings.

With writes,

-Andy Ruffett

THE RUFFETT CHAPTERS: THE POLAR BEAR in THE ROOM.

My parents think I'm bipolar.

WOW.

With writes,

-Andy Ruffett

THE RUFFETT CHAPTERS: The Hunger Strike

So I've pissed my parents off and therefore I'm pissed off so therefore I don't eat because they didn't order me any takeout Indian food because I'm being a little bitch.

I guess it serves me right. Ever since my best friend left (Christie), my life has been one downfall after another. That's not true. There have been good times but the bad ones trump the good ones. Let's list them, shall we?

I'm unemployed and I don't care, I'm angry most of the time, I avoid most of my friends now, I go to bed whenever I want, sometimes I can't fall asleep, and masturbate too much. Why? Why am I doing this to myself?! Is this really about Christie or something more? Was I already a ticking timebomb waiting to go off? Or did I do this to myself? Both actually.

Before Christie, there were other girls. A lot of other girls, but I didn't sleep with them because I'm a decent idiot. I'm still a fucking virgin and I did this to myself. I could've slept with a woman. Easily. Well, maybe not that easily but I could've done it. But I needed to feel love, true love. I never felt that with anyone except Christie and Mariah. But I was brainwashed when I fell in love with Mariah and therefore I was not in love with Mariah. But I did fall for Christie hard. At first, I didn't even know she existed and then when I did I woke up. And when we became best friends, I thought that was awesome. But then I fell in love with her. And that is stupid when the other best friend doesn't love you that way. You rip out your heart, hand it to her, and all you get is a thanks and instructions to put it back in place.

Well, I never put it back. In fact, I threw it in the trash and I haven't retrieved it since. You see, with Christie: she was everything I wanted and needed. A best friend and a girl who actually loved me. Maybe not the way I wanted but she still loved me. She even said the words, "I love you" to me. Wrong context, but the words were the same words.

It's probably insulting to even mention any of these girls names but the only reason I mention Christie as an actual person and not just label her "the girl who got away" or "my lost soulmate" or "the tragic removal of the love my life" is because Christie is more than a label, she's a girl. A beautiful girl who I will never get over because I don't want to. All those songwriters that sing about how she was the one are liars when they find another one and then complain when she goes away. What went wrong? You didn't keep your vow you stupid motherfucker. You see, you only fall in love once and then after that you're just trying to gain back what you used to have with that special someone that broke your heart or died. It's one or the other. Sometimes it's both though.

So yeah, I'm miserable. I'm FUCKING MISERABLE! And I want to be this way. And you know what? Christie understood that because she was always sad. She was a sad messed up girl. Now, now she's better I think. But what the fuck do I know? We're not friends anymore. I just pray that she fixed herself and from my Twitter and Tumblr stalking (yep, I have a problem. Probably should be hospitalized) she's seems happy. And that's basically what I wanted: for her to be happy. Me? Fuck me. Not literally. I have never really cared about me. I just wanted someone to care about me because I can't really do it. With help I could. And Christie was my help and then she left and I was back to SQUARE ONE.

No, I'm not going to commit suicide because I still ironically love myself too much to do it but I don't really care what happens to me. I'll take risks. Sure. I'll take LOTS of risks. I don't give a fuck. Living a life with no risks is boring. But also, you need to know what you want. Daniel Radcliffe said it in an interview about The F. Word. Great movie. Lost it, but that's another story for another chapter. Anyway, Daniel said that the difference between him and Wallace is that Wallace never tries to see if Chantry actually likes him. He never had A) the guts and B) I don't think he really knew how. And for me and Daniel, that would have gotten me so pissed off. Like, what is it, bitch? Do you like me or do you not? Sorry, do you love me or do you not? Well, thankfully we humans don't always have to speak, we can also feel it.

But I got both: Christie did think about us but she didn't want to hurt me. Congrats, you failed. Why? BECAUSE YOU LEFT!

Ah, I don't blame her. I was scared too. But I'm older. Angrier, but older. I don't hate Christie. I can't. I still love her. I'm beginning to hate everybody else though and that's not healthy. I could fix this but I enjoy being broken because Christie was for so long and then she fixed herself. Me, well she won't help me so I guess I'll stay forever broken.

THE RUFFETT CHAPTERS: Andy Ru, Christie, and FUCK YOU

Now I can write these things and not worry about backlash because no one reads my blog anyway. It's nice being invisible.

So first of all, fuck you.

Hi, I'm Andy Ru.

Also known as RUFF RUFF. Thank you Ethan for the inspiration idea.

Everyone thinks I should have gotten over Christie long ago and that I'm fighting some battle that I'll never win. Well, fuck you.

You don't know me and I clearly don't know you. And if you do know me, then you think you know me but you really don't. Leave me alone. Yes, maybe I'm depressing. Maybe I'm a basketcase. But you know what? I don't give a fuck. I don't care that I'm unemployed. I'm getting by just fine and I don't care if people are afraid of me. GOOD. That means you can back the fuck up when I'm coming through.

Honestly, FUCK YOU.

Seriously, FUCK YOU. You think I care what you think of me? No, because I know I'm awesome no matter what I do. Loving Christie is a part of me and it always will be. I do not give up on people. I gave up on Mariah and I vowed I would never do that again. Who's Mariah? Read my old chapters if you're interested. They're on Facebook. Enjoy.

I don't know what else I should type here. It might seem I'm extremely angry but I'm actually quite calm. You think this is angry? You better read: Gregory House's Twitter. Now that's a man you should be afraid of. And I'm not him. I'm Andy Ruffett. Hi. Hello. I'm in love with Christie (insert last name here).

Goodbye and thank you for reading.

With writes,

-Andy Ruffett

THE RUFFETT CHAPTERS: EXs

To all the women that have said to me "you know, if times were different, I would have chosen you." So far I only know one person and she was not my actual ex. ANYWAY, YOU KNOW WHO YOU are! Hi, hello, FUCK YOU.

Thank you.

With writes,

-Andy Ruffett

THE RUFFETT CHAPTERS: The Cheater

What is a cheater? A cheater is someone who cheats. Why am I writing about cheating? It has nothing to do with love. Well, except the love for books.

Cheaters are writers who cheat in their writing. That means, they are not original. Writers who write other author's books like some Robert Ludlum novels are cheaters. Writers who just will not quit with a series are cheaters. J.K. Rowling (unfortunately) is now a cheater because she has decided to continue Harry Potter. Why J.K. Rowling? Why? As they say, "why can't you let the sleeping dogs lie?" Or lay. Not sure. Anyway, the point is writers who cheat aren't really writers. I'm sorry. Maybe before you were but now you aren't. Now, unless J.K. Rowling has a REALLY GOOD REASON as to why she's cheating, I don't sympathize with her. What happened to Cormoran Strike? Not the best series I've read but I'm enjoying it. Maybe that's it. Is that it, J.K.? Sorry. Is that it, Joanne? Jo. Sorry, Jo. Maybe that's it. Maybe you just didn't think Strike cut it so you're going back to your old work. I understand. If that's the reason, then I sympathize. But I do not like writers who write for their fans. Yes, that's nice but that shouldn't be the reason you write. YOU SHOULD WRITE for YOU! Not someone else, YOU! If someone else comes in the process of you writing for you, cool. But don't make them be the reason you write, make the reason you write be about you and not them. FUCK THEM. HONESTLY!

Cheaters, stop writing! You're not good. I don't care if you're Jason Bourne, Stieg Larson, are whomever else you're trying to impersonate. Stop. We don't need more of the same shit, we need new shit! And you people aren't helping so stop writing.

Thank you.

With writes,

-Andy Ruffett

THE RUFFETT CHAPTERS: The Definition of Love

For years, scientists and everyone alike have been trying to describe one word: love. It's a four-letter word like "Andy" or "Walt" or "Robin" or "Ross". Granted, every word I just listed is a name, a title to represent a human. I could've used other words like "slip", "blue", "frog", or "baby", but the point is we have made the word a title,more than we have made it just any other word. Love is a powerful word. What does it mean? Everyone seems to have their own definition. Some people believe it's a word that's sacred, a word that should only be used when you really mean it like "hate". Some believe it's a word you can throw around like "fuck" or "hate", but when you truly mean it, when you truly love someone, it's the most powerful word known in English. I can't vouch for other countries, but to me love is powerful.

The backwards of love spells "evol". Is love "evol" or "evil"? Some would say it is both because the first "evol" is just a mask for the true "evil", the true love.

Love can make you do terrible things, but love can also do some magnificent things. When you love someone, all that matters is that you love them deep down and will be true to them with all your heart. They can call you a "coward", a "traitor", or a "hero". It doesn't matter because you know the truth; you've felt it. Everyone deserves that kind of love, that kind of love that takes over, that makes you lose all control of your body. A love that sweeps through you like a full force gale. Sometimes this love is forbidden but sometimes it's allowed. Of course, anything forbidden tastes so much sweeter like Adam reaching for that forbidden fruit. Well, he's an idiot and so are you if you think that. It doesn't matter if your love is forbidden or allowed, when you truly love someone, all that matters is that you love them. All those classifications are just what others think of you and your love, not you. To you, all you feel is love.

But what is love? Love is whatever you believe it to be. Whatever feeling that takes over your entire body and makes you lose all control, that's love. That feeling that changed you from a little child to a grown adult, that's love. Whoever you believe you to be, that's love. And it remains love until you find something better, something that makes you feel more. Something that makes you truly believe Heaven or whatever for sure exists because you just got a taste of it. It may be that touch of a hand by someone who means the world to you and she knows it. She and you have always known it. It may be a glance on the subway, just an interest. It may be waiting for you at the end of the checkout line or in your arms at the hospital. It may be smiling at you as you leave for a bigger world: university, new school, new country, new home. It may be welcoming you back after a long journey. Whatever it is, you'll know when it's love. That's why LOVE is so hard to define but yet so easy to understand because everyone has a new definition for it. And when you find yours, keep it or share it because either way, love is always growing.

THE RUFFETT CHAPTERS: The Crow Cliché

I don't care if you tell me you're a writer, clichés are still clichés. As my pal/Creative Writing Teacher from Northern would say, "DON'T USE THEM!"

https://www.facebook.com/peter.wade.961?fref=ts

Writers of The Universe, writing is an art and that means that you have to become artistic/clever when it comes to writing. That means using different words, stupid. And words composed in sentences that other people have not thought of or at least don't use clichés. I understand what Lee Child is doing when he writes about black crows flying away when Raskin kills himself for The Zec, but Lee, black crows flying away during a murder scene is a cliché! I don't care if you're a fanatic when it comes to crows, don't use them! Try something else like pigeons, sparrows, any other kind of fucking birds! Make pigeons the new symbol of death, not crows!

You see writers, everything under the sun has been done so we either change that or improve the old. Every writer has their own flavour and every writer has their own voice and it is our duty to maintain that. Hell, we can have several voices but the point is we want to spice up the pot and not use the same old bland flavours.

Changing the way horror stories are written is one way. Now, The Jack Reacher novels are nowhere close to horror or thriller for that matter, but still, unless you're deliberately trying to reference a horror cliché, don't do it.

Become more clever than your predecessor. Come on, Lee!

With writes,

-Andy Ruffett

THE RUFFETT CHAPTERS: Break ing do wn

Hello again.

This hopefully won't be a regular thing.

I'm breaking down.

Let me break it down for you.

I'

m

break

ing

dow

n

All my life I have been strong and content. Then I met this fabulous girl and when she left me, I lost everything. NO, I'm not typing her name here. Her name is irrelevant. The point is that she saw through me when no one else could. Not my mom, not my father, and not even my sister.

NO ONE SAW ME THE WAY SHE SAW ME.

And it hurt me. Do you know how hard it is to communicate to someone when you're broken? Difficult but not impossible.

And the crazy part is she didn't even know what she was doing. She was just being she and I was trying to be me but struggling. REALLY struggling.

She made me realize I should be happy as me and not these fucked up versions of me. My parents want a different me. They want their son back. Well, guess what? Your son never left, but you did. You left a long time ago and I wish you would come back because I need you. I need you as much as I need her.

But she's gone and I should move on.

But fuck moving on.

With writes,

-Hopeless Taxi (Andy Ruffett)

THE RUFFETT CHAPTERS: I Have No Friends

That's not true. I have many friends. But I have never felt that any of those friends I've been really close to except George and Mike. They are my best friends. Sorry everyone else who is not reading this anyway since I didn't send you the link.

There is Dominic and Mitch though. Are they friends of mine? Yes, but they're not my best friends. We don't connect the same way that I connect with Mike and George. Mike and George I could call on a whim and ask out and they would be down. Yes, I said "ask out". No, I'm not gay. Shit, did I just confirm that I am? Sorry. I'M NOT GAY. I have nothing against Gay people I'm just not one of them. Sorry, boys. Go find someone else to enjoy.

Anyway, where was I? I find that you have some friends that only enjoy going to the bar. They're not down for anything else. George and I, we can do anything. Mike and I, we mostly go see films but it's always fun with them. Bars are not always fun. Sorry, Dominic and Mitch. Hey guys, if you have better ideas: let me know. There's a FOR THE WIN by my place that I'd love to go to.

Currently, I am unemployed and miserable. My best friend Christie left me a year ago and I deeply miss her. Every day I miss her. I really wish she was back with me. I've changed, Christie! I've changed! The thing with Christie is she is beautiful and she could have any guy she ever wanted and she never wanted me. And you can't be friends with someone who you secretly have a crush on. But it wasn't a secret: she knew full well that I was in love with her. And it hurt her because she knew she couldn't love me the same way. Now, I need her. Everyone else I hang out with, I just don't feel the same passion for. Yes, I want to date Christie. But I also loved our hangouts. She was never judgemental of me. I could be free and myself with her more than anyone else.

There's my friend Taylor. She's a cool gal, but I don't know maybe it's because of the romantic relationship that I wanted with Christie that just makes me need Christie more than Taylor. I don't know.

No. I'm not ending this post with "I don't know". I must continue. I guess I'm an extremely lonely fuck who's gone off the rails lately. I would write about unemployment but that's for another time.

With writes,

-Sad Andy (Andy Ruffett)

THE RUFFETT CHAPTERS: I Just Want a Friend

Apparently my chapters have now become titles of songs I madeup. Hello everyone, I'm back. I know no one will respond to this because I'm no longer on Facebook. But fuck it. I'm here now so let's get started: another job and another rejection. It's like my books, love relationships, and basically everything else in general. I still live at home and I'm 24. Yep, life sucks.

With writes,

-Pathetic Peter (Andy Ruffett)