Writing Another Book

I have many books on the go. This recent one I'm trying to write has to do with the events of Kelowna. I might write two parts of this book, when with the boy's perspective and one with the girl's but as I haven't even finished Chapter 1, I have a while to go. I have quite a lot to get done which also happens to be lingering school work. As I've read from LinkedIn it's good to have multiple projects on the go. And boy, do I have lots of projects: school work, have to look over the edits of my first book The Wrongdoer for the editor I'm paying, have to record another book a friend of mine, and I probably should edit multiple poems which were sent back to me when I submitted them to some magazines.

Long months of writing ahead.

Reading Week

It's reading week and I should probably be doing school work but instead I'm writing this post. Feeling quite tired so I might just have a nap after I post this. I saw my psychiatrist because of, you know, the incident. If you're unsure about the incident please reply with your email and I'll give you a detailed description about it if you're interested.

Anyway, I still see a psychiatrist. He's more of the guy I go to for checkups just to make sure I'm doing alright. I was finally able to reason with him to make monthly meetings because these stupid appointments take up my time especially when I sit in a small enclosed room and talk about hardly anything. It's like having a casually constrained conversation with a neighbour except for the fact that you sit in a chair and your listener sometimes asks you questions about your health and other information like your sleep pattern, if you eat healthy, etc. I wanted to get rid of him so my friend suggested that I pretty much tell him I've cleansed myself, you know, (the whole incident happened with a girl) that I've come to terms with the fact that what happened in Kelowna could not be controlled by me and that I would like to apologize to the girl I hurt which I obviously can't do so I'm apologizing to my psychiatrist instead. Well, I'm still seeing the guy and all it did was provoke questions as to why I felt the need to apologize especially to my psychiatrist. But we seemed to conclude that it was good to get it out of my system. All that I really got out of my friend's advice was the fact that I sort of had a real conversation with my psychiatrist for about 5 minutes. I guess that's a good thing.

But when it comes to this girl, thoughts of her come and go. I mean, I'm single and a bit lonely so I think it makes sense for my thoughts to divert to what could've been and imagine that I still have a chance with this girl I sort of frightened. Healthy? I wouldn't think so but what choice do I have? I'm trying to move on but where exactly am I moving to? I'm not dating anyone and right now it seems no one would really wants to date me anyway.

Sometimes I feel like Matchbox Twenty's "The Difference":

I don't want nobody
Nobody don't want me
And I'm so sad so lonely
And I'm always landing on my feet

Though, I do want somebody I just don't know who really, just someone. I mean, we all need love in this world, right? And I don't mean family or friend love. I mean the real personal stuff.

But I guess that's kind of shallow; wanting someone but not knowing who. 

But as the old cliché outlines: good things come to those who wait.

So until then, I wait.

I don't know where I'm headed but I do miss the excitement of Kelowna. Everything here in Toronto seems so dull. Though, I don't wish to be thrown back into a mental hospital and be deemed insane, but it would be nice to get back to my first writers' group and see my B.C. friends.

The writing group that I started at York though is growing. We had a table for the group on the 14 of February (yep, no real love there or secret Valentine, but I've always hated Valentine's Day anyway) and recruited some members. The only thing that excites me after reading week is starting up my group again. We have two more table meetings and hopefully we can even make money off some baked goods some members will bring. We also have a writing contest so I hope people get involved in that as well. Y U WRITE (York University writers' group) I feel is doing much better than UBCO WRITES (University of British Columbia Okanagan's writers' group). If I ever get back to B.C., I have some changes for the group that I think will really help UBCO WRITES expand.

21 and I Don't Feel At All Different

21. The age where i can drink EVVVVVVVVVEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRYYYYYYYYYWWWWWWWHHHHHHHHEEEEEEEERRRRRRREEEEEEEE! It's pretty fantastic. I just turned 21 on February 8 and though I went to Hugh's Room with my family it was still great. Had McFadden scotch-whiskey which is simply the best. The Etta James tribute concert was amazing and that Shakura S'Aida can really sing. My mom apparently knew all about her. My sister also came down from McGill in Montréal to celebrate my birthday which was pretty great as well. Thanks to her I have two books on manliness. Barney Stinson's Bro Code and the Maxims of Manhood. Now that I'm a man, I have to read all about being a man.

I already finished reading the Debrett's Guide for the Modern Gentleman but my sister says that it's better to be a man than a gentleman. So far I've learned from Maxims that a man eats blood enriched foods and wears pink. From Bro Code however, I've learned that a bro always reminds another bro about their girlfriend's birthday, the bro's anniversary, etc. and that a bro never wears pink even in Europe. Clearly, I have contradictory books here but I don't think anyone should agree to everything they read. But with regards to the pink rule, I will wear it not because of the books but because I already own pink clothes. Simple as that.

But as this title highlights, I don't feel different. Not at all. Still feel like the same lonely, creatively charming, single guy. But Valentine's Day is coming up so maybe that'll bring hope to my miserable situation? Sadly I doubt it. According to Maxims, I should despise Valentine's Day and don't understand it. If you want to know the true history of Valentine's Day you should check out Michael Lake's version. And once you've read that you'll find "Cupid" to be some creep in a diaper. Anyway, that day I'm tabling at York University in order to promote my writers' group so at least I won't be bored this Valentine's Day. Last Valentine's Day was the psychotic breakdown so hopefully no strange triggers go off this time. Honestly, I shouldn't even discuss that anymore.

But like my title suggests, I don't feel different. I still hate York University but university plans for next year right now or up in the air. If any changes have occurred with me, it would probably be the fact that I'm behind in my school work and I'm never behind. Also, my work ethic therefore has decreased. I've handed two assignments which I know were crap and got one back confirming its crappiness. 57% is not something you go waving around in joy.

If anything my birthday should be my resolution to work harder but I'm hardly working given the fact that I'm writing this blog post instead of attending to school work. Oh well.

School though has lost interest for me at least at York. I'm not really learning anything but how to regurgitate information. Education by definition provides a learning component. Since that component's not there I'm sitting in a class listening to a teacher instruct. Why was it British Columbia that classes seemed to be more engaging knowledgefilled? Is it because it was my 1st year in university or is it because British Columbia just has a better teaching method than York? Or is it my B.C. bias kicking in? Who knows? All I know is that York isn't for me and I've been thinking that way for a while now so therefore, no difference.

It's Been A While

Since I wrote anything on this blog. 2011 is long gone and we're now in 2013. Still unemployed and looking for work. Now I go to York University in Toronto but I wish I was back in Kelowna, British Columbia at UBCO. I'm trying to start up a writers' group at the Keele campus at York and just spent the last three days sending emails to every professor I could email to ask if I could announce the group in their classes.

School work you ask?

Nah, haven't done any for this week which is terrible. Tomorrow I put up posters for my group. Really, it's been GROUP! GROUP! GROUP! for the past week. I have lots of work I need to get to like readings from the Bible, essays to write, etc. But I won't bore you with that information. That's my problem, not yours.

If any of you are interested I have another blog which I regularly use: The Ruffetting Post. Word of the Days have been lacking for the last few days and everyone I contacted on Facebook to provide me a word has not ANSWERED ME! Usually people do respond so I can't explain the lack of responses. But on that sentence, please submit to my online magazine or at least provide a word of the day. That would be greatly appreciated. And since I'm selling myself on this blog, if you like videos, singing, reading, and me in general check out my Youtube channel and of course if you just like writing there's always WritersCafe. Right, that's enough of self promotion.

If you asked me how I was I'd probably say I'm fine but really I'm getting quite sick of Toronto. I was brought back to the city I was born in almost in a body bag. ALMOST. That has an interesting story to it and it involves a girl. Well, doesn't it always? Well that girl people tell me I should forget and on top of that I shouldn't even think of having a future with her. Still, that girl is in Kelowna, British Columbia; the place I want to go back to. Of course it is bloody stupid for me to go back just for her but really I want to go back for myself. I miss my friends and Toronto is not like how it was before. Will I go back? Now that's the big question, isn't it? I have no idea. If I'm funding myself, no chance really. If my parents help me even if they're scared shitless of me going back, I might have a chance. I don't know though if they will. I now see a psychiatrist due to my little episode. Here's a break down on the episode: crush on a girl, get obsessed, restraining order, mental hospital, go to Toronto, come back to UBCO, still obsessed, another trip to the mental hospital, Toronto, psychiatrist. That's all you really need to know.

As you can see, I'm more delusional than before. But I'm making the best of what I have. Maybe next post I'll have more to write about.

Oh yeah, and now I sign my name with this like I'm famous:

With writes,

-Andy Ruffett


P.S. Don't forget that there is not another post unless someone comments or likes this post or a previous one. Can you even like on Blogger? Well, if you can, I'll post again if I get a comment or like.