Sunday, September 10, 2017
Thursday, June 2, 2016
THE RUFFETT CHAPTERS: The Difference between Walter White and Heisenberg
The
difference between Walter White and Heisenberg is that they are
completely different people. Walter White is a nervous wreck, loving
father, controller boardering on O.C.D. Heisenberg is a
cold-blooded-killer, an amazing manipulator, and an excellent
kingpin/drugdealer.
As much as Walter might like it, he never really becomes the evil Heisenberg he creates. However, he does possess many attributes of the so called killer.
In my book Wanna Cook? by Ensley F. Gufrey + K. Dale Koontz, they write that Walter White is not like Tony Soprano or Don Draper despite many critics aligning him with those antiheroes. Well, though I never really watched The Sopranos or Mad Men (just a few episodes here and there), I have to agree because Heisenberg isn't really a man but a man dreamed up by Walter White. He's a madeup character in a madeup world. Maybe Walt knows who Tony and Don are, but since the show loves to inform you of real life criminals, Walt would probably compare himself to someone like Al Capone than a fictional character.
You can all argue with me and say I don't know what I'm writing since Walter White really tries to make himself Heisenberg, but that's the key word: "tries". Yes, he tries very hard but he fails. Some people weren't born to be criminals and Walter is one of them.
In "Ozymandias" (Season 5), Walter calls Skyler and again tries to portray Heisenberg but fails. Why? Because he's crying. He can't keep doing this. He can't keep putting his family in danger because he actually cares about them. He cares what happens to them. He can't even call his wife a "bitch" and leave it at that.
Despite all that Walt has done, he always tries to make the right decision. He leaves Holly in the firestation because he's not trying to rip his family a part, but he has ripped his family from him.
To quote Saul when he's talking about Jesse in "Rabid Dog": "Yeah, but you gotta understand: deep down, he loves me." This is exactly how Walt thinks of his family: "deep down, he loves" them. He can't even let Hank get killed and in the end, Jesse doesn't die despite Walt's command that he needs to be eliminated.
The problem with Walt is that he is all about control and it takes him a longass time to realize that he can't control basically anything no matter how much he tries. He can't control his family, he can't control Jesse, he barely can control anything.
When Hank dies, Walt is heartbroken. He finally realizes exactly what he meant when he told Skyler in "End Times" (Season 4), "Those consequences, they're coming." Hank's death, Jesse's imprisonment, the destruction of Walt's family is all because of those "consequences".
Like I wrote before, some people were not born to be bad. Well, Walt breaks bad but he realizes soon after how that was a really bad idea. Walt's all about control so he just wants to control everything even when he can't. The only reason he's even in the whole meth business is because of cancer. Cancer that fittingly comes back as if to haunt Walt why he started the meth business in the first place.
But what about money? Does Walt care more about that than his family as Hank hints in "Blood Money" (Season 5)? Yes and no. The only reason he cares about the money is because he earned it. He worked for it. Losing that would show how he has nothing to explain his actions. Without his money, he has no evidence to show that everything he did was for good intentions. Walt (as I have written three times now), cares about his family. He fucks it all up because of his own doing but in the end, he cares about his family. He gets a new identity for his family, he makes all that money for his family, he does everything for his family. And as we near the end of the series, Walter White has finally realized what a danger he is to his family. As he said in "Cornered" (Season 4): "I am the danger." Yes, Walt, yes you are. And finally you are now protecting your family from the danger: you.
In conclusion, Walter White is not strong enough to be Heisenberg. To be someone like that, you have to be emotionally cold, distant, and not give a fuck about anything. This means that anything that happens, you are not affected by it. Basically, you become a sociopath or a psychopath or both. Walt is neither of these things and this shows how Heisenberg is a mask and Walt is not the best performer.
As much as Walter might like it, he never really becomes the evil Heisenberg he creates. However, he does possess many attributes of the so called killer.
In my book Wanna Cook? by Ensley F. Gufrey + K. Dale Koontz, they write that Walter White is not like Tony Soprano or Don Draper despite many critics aligning him with those antiheroes. Well, though I never really watched The Sopranos or Mad Men (just a few episodes here and there), I have to agree because Heisenberg isn't really a man but a man dreamed up by Walter White. He's a madeup character in a madeup world. Maybe Walt knows who Tony and Don are, but since the show loves to inform you of real life criminals, Walt would probably compare himself to someone like Al Capone than a fictional character.
You can all argue with me and say I don't know what I'm writing since Walter White really tries to make himself Heisenberg, but that's the key word: "tries". Yes, he tries very hard but he fails. Some people weren't born to be criminals and Walter is one of them.
In "Ozymandias" (Season 5), Walter calls Skyler and again tries to portray Heisenberg but fails. Why? Because he's crying. He can't keep doing this. He can't keep putting his family in danger because he actually cares about them. He cares what happens to them. He can't even call his wife a "bitch" and leave it at that.
Despite all that Walt has done, he always tries to make the right decision. He leaves Holly in the firestation because he's not trying to rip his family a part, but he has ripped his family from him.
To quote Saul when he's talking about Jesse in "Rabid Dog": "Yeah, but you gotta understand: deep down, he loves me." This is exactly how Walt thinks of his family: "deep down, he loves" them. He can't even let Hank get killed and in the end, Jesse doesn't die despite Walt's command that he needs to be eliminated.
The problem with Walt is that he is all about control and it takes him a longass time to realize that he can't control basically anything no matter how much he tries. He can't control his family, he can't control Jesse, he barely can control anything.
When Hank dies, Walt is heartbroken. He finally realizes exactly what he meant when he told Skyler in "End Times" (Season 4), "Those consequences, they're coming." Hank's death, Jesse's imprisonment, the destruction of Walt's family is all because of those "consequences".
Like I wrote before, some people were not born to be bad. Well, Walt breaks bad but he realizes soon after how that was a really bad idea. Walt's all about control so he just wants to control everything even when he can't. The only reason he's even in the whole meth business is because of cancer. Cancer that fittingly comes back as if to haunt Walt why he started the meth business in the first place.
But what about money? Does Walt care more about that than his family as Hank hints in "Blood Money" (Season 5)? Yes and no. The only reason he cares about the money is because he earned it. He worked for it. Losing that would show how he has nothing to explain his actions. Without his money, he has no evidence to show that everything he did was for good intentions. Walt (as I have written three times now), cares about his family. He fucks it all up because of his own doing but in the end, he cares about his family. He gets a new identity for his family, he makes all that money for his family, he does everything for his family. And as we near the end of the series, Walter White has finally realized what a danger he is to his family. As he said in "Cornered" (Season 4): "I am the danger." Yes, Walt, yes you are. And finally you are now protecting your family from the danger: you.
In conclusion, Walter White is not strong enough to be Heisenberg. To be someone like that, you have to be emotionally cold, distant, and not give a fuck about anything. This means that anything that happens, you are not affected by it. Basically, you become a sociopath or a psychopath or both. Walt is neither of these things and this shows how Heisenberg is a mask and Walt is not the best performer.
Wednesday, May 18, 2016
THE RUFFETT CHAPTERS: BARNEY STINSON MAY BE THE BIGGEST WOMANIZER ON THE PLANET (AND REMAIN GAY) BUT HE STILL IS THE SADDEST MAN
Barney Stinson, NOT Neil Patrick Harris. Neil Patrick Harris is awesome!
Think about it: this man hides from everyone: Ted, Robin, Lily,
Marshall, and everybody else. He lies, he cheats, he sleeps, he eats.
He’s a fucking baby with suits and other qualities. You know what’s the
most depressing part of Barney Stinson? He falls in love with his kid.
HIS KID! Not his wife or whomever he banged to produce that child. HIS
KID! Hey, that’s nice. But you know what’s nicer? LOVING THE WOMAN WHO
PRODUCED THAT CHILD! Anyway, I am rewatching How I Met Your Mother
and now I realize how painful Barney’s life is. I never want to be
this man. Ted Mosby’s a slut. Shut up. I will never be Barney or Stupid
Ted. I am slutty Ted, but only one person can call me that. Ah Hell,
everyone can call me that. Doesn’t change me and doesn’t make me think
less of myself.
When I was younger, I admired Barney. I thought suits were so cool that I tried it out. I went to a strip club with my friend Sam and we both wore suits. We pretended we were T.V. Anchors and this girl (stripper) really wanted me to go to the V.I.P. room. I didn’t go because A) I AM NOT BARNEY and B) I didn’t have the money. But then we hit a downward spiral where I go into The Madison wearing a suit trying to pick up a girl. The only women I did pick up were older woman who complimented my suitmanship skills. Fuck you, bitches. Honestly, that’s depressing. And this is why I hate The Maddie. Also for another reason but I think that’s one’s psychological. Anyway, it’s miserable watching Barney be an idiot. The brilliance of How I Met Your Mother is character development. You know what that means? People change. Walter White changes into Heisenberg. Marshall changes from weak to strong. Lily changes from cute to a cute mom. Robin changes from closed to open. Barney changes from a liar, a cheat, a scumbag to a man who finally understand what LOVE is. Ted changes from desperate, lonely, hopeless to a changed man because he marries a beautiful woman. So Married Ted becomes HAPPY. Tracy changes from a pushover to STRONG, BEAUTIFUL, INDEPENDENT, LOVING, WOMAN. She has the most rapid change because well, duh. As my friend TradeMark points out, there are no changes in Friends. She’s right! Everyone stays the same. Everyone remains archetypes of themselves. You can try to squeeze change out of the show but good luck. As Dominic’s girlfriend points out: Friends is a sitcom and sitcoms don’t have changing characters. She’s right. Seinfeld’s the same thing and (I hate to admit it) but THE MINDY PROJECT! But I think everyone on this Earth now realizes why I even watched that show. This is disappointing. COMEDIES, LISTEN UP! Be more real. Be more like dramas. I think How I Met Your Mother is the only comedic show that has shown change within its characters so they become people and not archetypes. This is important. This is what makes good writing: good characters. That and good dialogue. The only reason J.K. Rowling is famous, the only reason Jack Reacher is on film, and the only reason so many good shows and movies exist is because of good snappy dialogue. There are many different ways to write a show, movie, book, whatever but writers need to realize that when something works: it has to always work. Dark Places didn’t do so well on Netflix and I don’t know how it fared with the reading crowd, but Gillian Flynn screwed up. She knows it, I know it, and so do many others. Something clicked with Gone Girl that didn’t click with any other book she’s written. Sorry, Gillian. Same with J.K. Rowling. No other book of Jo’s has been highlighted to the same success as Harry Potter. NOTHING! And that must hurt. I think that’s why she’s going back to her roots. I mean, she never said she would never explore Harry Potter’s world again, but that Harry wouldn’t be the main character. Well, guess what? Her latest book is not about Harry, but about his son. Albus? I think. Anyway, with that out of the way I just want to write that shows are moving in a positive direction and I want this to continue. We need more shows like How I Met Your Mother; we really do. The world knows we need more real life comedies.
With writes,
-Andy Ruffett
When I was younger, I admired Barney. I thought suits were so cool that I tried it out. I went to a strip club with my friend Sam and we both wore suits. We pretended we were T.V. Anchors and this girl (stripper) really wanted me to go to the V.I.P. room. I didn’t go because A) I AM NOT BARNEY and B) I didn’t have the money. But then we hit a downward spiral where I go into The Madison wearing a suit trying to pick up a girl. The only women I did pick up were older woman who complimented my suitmanship skills. Fuck you, bitches. Honestly, that’s depressing. And this is why I hate The Maddie. Also for another reason but I think that’s one’s psychological. Anyway, it’s miserable watching Barney be an idiot. The brilliance of How I Met Your Mother is character development. You know what that means? People change. Walter White changes into Heisenberg. Marshall changes from weak to strong. Lily changes from cute to a cute mom. Robin changes from closed to open. Barney changes from a liar, a cheat, a scumbag to a man who finally understand what LOVE is. Ted changes from desperate, lonely, hopeless to a changed man because he marries a beautiful woman. So Married Ted becomes HAPPY. Tracy changes from a pushover to STRONG, BEAUTIFUL, INDEPENDENT, LOVING, WOMAN. She has the most rapid change because well, duh. As my friend TradeMark points out, there are no changes in Friends. She’s right! Everyone stays the same. Everyone remains archetypes of themselves. You can try to squeeze change out of the show but good luck. As Dominic’s girlfriend points out: Friends is a sitcom and sitcoms don’t have changing characters. She’s right. Seinfeld’s the same thing and (I hate to admit it) but THE MINDY PROJECT! But I think everyone on this Earth now realizes why I even watched that show. This is disappointing. COMEDIES, LISTEN UP! Be more real. Be more like dramas. I think How I Met Your Mother is the only comedic show that has shown change within its characters so they become people and not archetypes. This is important. This is what makes good writing: good characters. That and good dialogue. The only reason J.K. Rowling is famous, the only reason Jack Reacher is on film, and the only reason so many good shows and movies exist is because of good snappy dialogue. There are many different ways to write a show, movie, book, whatever but writers need to realize that when something works: it has to always work. Dark Places didn’t do so well on Netflix and I don’t know how it fared with the reading crowd, but Gillian Flynn screwed up. She knows it, I know it, and so do many others. Something clicked with Gone Girl that didn’t click with any other book she’s written. Sorry, Gillian. Same with J.K. Rowling. No other book of Jo’s has been highlighted to the same success as Harry Potter. NOTHING! And that must hurt. I think that’s why she’s going back to her roots. I mean, she never said she would never explore Harry Potter’s world again, but that Harry wouldn’t be the main character. Well, guess what? Her latest book is not about Harry, but about his son. Albus? I think. Anyway, with that out of the way I just want to write that shows are moving in a positive direction and I want this to continue. We need more shows like How I Met Your Mother; we really do. The world knows we need more real life comedies.
With writes,
-Andy Ruffett
Thursday, May 12, 2016
THE RUFFFETT CHAPTERS: The Problem with Christie
Kids, the problem with Christie is that she is Tracy. But the problem with Tracy is A) she's not real B) she's fictional and C) she's too perfect.
There's is nothing wrong with Tracy. Where are the flaws? There's got to be something Ted does not like about Tracy. She is not perfect. The only people who are perfect live in storybooks. Doesn't Tracy tell Ted that he should stop living in a storybook, to stop living in a fairytale?
The problem with How I Met Your Mother is that the kids never really learn about Tracy. They learn about Ted's version. I guess, in a way it's nice. But it's make Tracy basically a memory, not a human. She's a human with imperfections.
Kids, that's love.
Love has no perfections. Love is blind. Love is hard, love is hard to find. But when you find love and when you find it with that right girl, that right boy, nothing else fucking matters. Why? Because you're together. Sure, there will be fights. But we get through them.
The reason we don't see Tracy's flaws is because she doesn't have any. At least, in Ted's mind and eyes.
This is Professor Mosby Signing off as Andy Ruffett.
With writes.
There's is nothing wrong with Tracy. Where are the flaws? There's got to be something Ted does not like about Tracy. She is not perfect. The only people who are perfect live in storybooks. Doesn't Tracy tell Ted that he should stop living in a storybook, to stop living in a fairytale?
The problem with How I Met Your Mother is that the kids never really learn about Tracy. They learn about Ted's version. I guess, in a way it's nice. But it's make Tracy basically a memory, not a human. She's a human with imperfections.
Kids, that's love.
Love has no perfections. Love is blind. Love is hard, love is hard to find. But when you find love and when you find it with that right girl, that right boy, nothing else fucking matters. Why? Because you're together. Sure, there will be fights. But we get through them.
The reason we don't see Tracy's flaws is because she doesn't have any. At least, in Ted's mind and eyes.
This is Professor Mosby Signing off as Andy Ruffett.
With writes.
Wednesday, April 27, 2016
THE RUFFETT CHAPTERS: A Greek Thing
Or maybe it's a Christie Thing. It's certainly not a half-Greek thing because all my Greek friends have come to my house but I've never been to theirs. Why I haven't been to Christie's makes sense but what about George? I'm not planning to have sex with George. George says that it's because his house is always being renovated. But isn't it funny? I've never been to any of my Greek friend's houses: Spiro, George, Christie, (I guess Christie's really an exfriend, right? Nah.) and any other Greek friends I haven't mentioned. I've been to Half-Greek houses but never Full-Greek houses. Well, Greek friends. Obviously I've been to Full-Greek people's houses but they were either relatives or friends of my parents or other family members which technically makes them family. Why am I writing this? I don't know, I just thought it's interesting. Food for thought.
With writes,
-Andy Ruffett
With writes,
-Andy Ruffett
THE RUFFETT CHAPTERS: Curfews
This is the chapter where I complain. Fuck you, these are my CHAPTERS! Anyway, fuck curfews. According to my parents I shouldn't be on this computer because I should be sleeping. I'm only allowed on the computer at 8 A.M. until 11 P.M. Well, fuck that. I tried to go back to sleep and failed so now I'm up. Sorry, PARENTS.
God, I hate living at home. There are so many rules that a 24-year-old should never have. Oh, right, sorry, I'm sick. Right, forgot. Well, who said it was your life anyway? Oh, right, sorry, you live here too. Well, I'm sorry, I'm not here by choice I'm here because of circumstances. Stop telling me it's by choice. You think I enjoy living here and remaining unemployed? NO! You think I'm not trying? Seriously? Fuck you. No, I don't actually mean that. I just wrote it so you would shut the fuck up. Oh, I'm sorry. Apparently I have a swearing problem and can't control my emotions. Well, you know what? IT'S ABOUT FUCKING TIME!
Seriously, living at home sucks. Yes, I'm not doing much to fix my situation but the point is, I AM TRYING. Maybe my parents don't see proof but I don't need to prove anything to anyone but myself. And to me, I'm improving. Between you and me reader, I was never sick in the first place. But let's keep that between us, O.K.?
Cool. You're a good friend.
With writes,
-Andy Ruffett
God, I hate living at home. There are so many rules that a 24-year-old should never have. Oh, right, sorry, I'm sick. Right, forgot. Well, who said it was your life anyway? Oh, right, sorry, you live here too. Well, I'm sorry, I'm not here by choice I'm here because of circumstances. Stop telling me it's by choice. You think I enjoy living here and remaining unemployed? NO! You think I'm not trying? Seriously? Fuck you. No, I don't actually mean that. I just wrote it so you would shut the fuck up. Oh, I'm sorry. Apparently I have a swearing problem and can't control my emotions. Well, you know what? IT'S ABOUT FUCKING TIME!
Seriously, living at home sucks. Yes, I'm not doing much to fix my situation but the point is, I AM TRYING. Maybe my parents don't see proof but I don't need to prove anything to anyone but myself. And to me, I'm improving. Between you and me reader, I was never sick in the first place. But let's keep that between us, O.K.?
Cool. You're a good friend.
With writes,
-Andy Ruffett
THE RUFFETT CHAPTERS: I've Changed
Ever since Kelowna, I changed. I changed from the happygolucky kid to this depressed sack of shit. What changed? Or was I always this way? There are so many things I have not accomplished in this basketcase life of mine but there have also been so many things I have accomplished: I ran two technically successful writers' groups. The first one in Kelowna didn't last long so that's why it's technical. Of course, my presence there was also technical. The one at York, still works. Sure, my V.P. has now taken charge since I've retired from life but hey, it's a big job running a group especially for a job where my only pay was writing and feedback. I'm still alive. That's a HUGE accomplishment. I don't know, I've gone to school, I've written many books. Nothing published, but still. I have a great group of friends and I'm loved. Yeah, those are good things. Then are the bad things: I'm not published, I'm still single, I still live at home, and I'm still unemployed. Oh yeah, and I don't give a shit about anything.
So what changed? I grew up. I realized life isn't a fucking box of chocolates, it's a toxic wastebin of shit. Sometimes and sometimes not and for me right now, it's all the time. Why? Because I don't care. I already wrote that above. Sorry, I don't give a shit. Seriously, idiots, read between the lines or at least understand the definition of "synonyms" or "rephrasal". Oh, that's not a word? Fuck you, Firefox.
Let's look at my life so far: as a child I was happy because I didn't know what sadness was. When I was in elementary school apparently I was bullied but I was blind to it. In middle school, I wrote my first novel and had my first real crush. She didn't like me and I moved on, but I was famous in my school or at least in my classroom. Everyone knew who I was because of a fucking book. That is pretty cool. High school, I was popular. Maybe not as popular as the popular kids but I was popular. I even had a girlfriend for the close of high school. She dumped me, but the whole relationship was a lie anyway. Well, in my perspective. Then, I'm finally tired of my education and travel with two guys: one a friend and one not. And as the travelling progressed I realized that I really hated this man. Then my friend leaves and so does the annoying person so I'm stuck in Europe alone. Then I got sad. I got really sad. Probably depressed is a good word. There were so many memorable moments on my trip that I wanted to share my experiences with. A girl preferably, but anyone would do. But a part of me realized I was alone and I would remain alone for most of the trip. Sure, I had the odd travel buddy because I'm very likable. But soon they disappeared and so did I. Dating would have been a stupid because I knew I wouldn't find my true love on a trip. Besides, what if I did fall in love? How would that even work out? No. I knew I needed to find my soulmate in Toronto. I think I knew that was how it had to be. Then university happened and I went to Kelowna where I met Mariah who tricked me into loving her even though I already sort of had a crush on her. Then I had a mental breakdown and thought I was involved in some conspiracy that all the smart people tried to deny and hoped I would soon deny. It's called a mental breakdown for a reason!
Anyway, I soon got over that and the fact that the rest of my education would be continued in Toronto so I accepted York with shrugged arms. Then I met Christie and I realized that I couldn't keep doing this. I couldn't keep tricking myself into loving someone. I either loved them or I didn't. And if they didn't love me, but I loved them, so be it. I was tired of sitting in the backseat. I know the backseat too well and I thought it was about damn time I became the driver or at least the passenger. So I grabbed the steering and even though I crashed multiple times, I kept crashing into Christie. And she liked it. I mean, who doesn't love attention? Really? You have a problem. Don't worry, so do I. Different problem but we can work it out. We have meetings every Wednesday. That's today? You're in luck, Chuck.
Then there was Priscila but that was never really a thing because that girl thought I was too clingy. Well, I was. But so is Christie. She clung onto me because she needed me and I needed her. And finally I realized that I didn't care if Christie and I dated. Finally I decided that I didn't give a fuck if anyone loved me or if anyone dated me. I just knew I had found my soulmate because of all the times Christie and I crashed into each other even if I was the one doing the crashing. My best friend, my love of my life. I knew I was right. Christie kept trying to correct me but I had learned that the heart knows what it wants and no one can sway you away from that. Christie could've left me. I was waiting for that day actually. But again, I had to initiate that. So I did. I went completely ballistic on Facebook and Christie got rid of me. Mission accomplished?
Yeah, technically so. She was free and I was free. But I was broken and could never be repaired without Christie's love. And she knew it and I knew it but she couldn't do this anymore. She couldn't have a best friend cling to her thinking of the what-ifs even though she had thought of them too. She fucking cried when I brought up marriage! MARRIAGE! As my friend Whitney facebooked me, THAT'S A BIG DEAL! It was and still is. Christie shrugged it off as her being emotional and having anxiety but I knew that was bullshit. Yes, Christie has anxiety but she also loved me. Probably still does. You never really get over someone you truly, truly love. And Christie truly, truly loved me. But maybe she loves someone more than me and that's why we're not together. She could not fall madly in love with but I could and did and still am in love with her. I guess this is my punishment from God. Sorry, Mate. I'm not sure what I did wrong but I guess it was bad.
With writes,
-Andy Ruffett
So what changed? I grew up. I realized life isn't a fucking box of chocolates, it's a toxic wastebin of shit. Sometimes and sometimes not and for me right now, it's all the time. Why? Because I don't care. I already wrote that above. Sorry, I don't give a shit. Seriously, idiots, read between the lines or at least understand the definition of "synonyms" or "rephrasal". Oh, that's not a word? Fuck you, Firefox.
Let's look at my life so far: as a child I was happy because I didn't know what sadness was. When I was in elementary school apparently I was bullied but I was blind to it. In middle school, I wrote my first novel and had my first real crush. She didn't like me and I moved on, but I was famous in my school or at least in my classroom. Everyone knew who I was because of a fucking book. That is pretty cool. High school, I was popular. Maybe not as popular as the popular kids but I was popular. I even had a girlfriend for the close of high school. She dumped me, but the whole relationship was a lie anyway. Well, in my perspective. Then, I'm finally tired of my education and travel with two guys: one a friend and one not. And as the travelling progressed I realized that I really hated this man. Then my friend leaves and so does the annoying person so I'm stuck in Europe alone. Then I got sad. I got really sad. Probably depressed is a good word. There were so many memorable moments on my trip that I wanted to share my experiences with. A girl preferably, but anyone would do. But a part of me realized I was alone and I would remain alone for most of the trip. Sure, I had the odd travel buddy because I'm very likable. But soon they disappeared and so did I. Dating would have been a stupid because I knew I wouldn't find my true love on a trip. Besides, what if I did fall in love? How would that even work out? No. I knew I needed to find my soulmate in Toronto. I think I knew that was how it had to be. Then university happened and I went to Kelowna where I met Mariah who tricked me into loving her even though I already sort of had a crush on her. Then I had a mental breakdown and thought I was involved in some conspiracy that all the smart people tried to deny and hoped I would soon deny. It's called a mental breakdown for a reason!
Anyway, I soon got over that and the fact that the rest of my education would be continued in Toronto so I accepted York with shrugged arms. Then I met Christie and I realized that I couldn't keep doing this. I couldn't keep tricking myself into loving someone. I either loved them or I didn't. And if they didn't love me, but I loved them, so be it. I was tired of sitting in the backseat. I know the backseat too well and I thought it was about damn time I became the driver or at least the passenger. So I grabbed the steering and even though I crashed multiple times, I kept crashing into Christie. And she liked it. I mean, who doesn't love attention? Really? You have a problem. Don't worry, so do I. Different problem but we can work it out. We have meetings every Wednesday. That's today? You're in luck, Chuck.
Then there was Priscila but that was never really a thing because that girl thought I was too clingy. Well, I was. But so is Christie. She clung onto me because she needed me and I needed her. And finally I realized that I didn't care if Christie and I dated. Finally I decided that I didn't give a fuck if anyone loved me or if anyone dated me. I just knew I had found my soulmate because of all the times Christie and I crashed into each other even if I was the one doing the crashing. My best friend, my love of my life. I knew I was right. Christie kept trying to correct me but I had learned that the heart knows what it wants and no one can sway you away from that. Christie could've left me. I was waiting for that day actually. But again, I had to initiate that. So I did. I went completely ballistic on Facebook and Christie got rid of me. Mission accomplished?
Yeah, technically so. She was free and I was free. But I was broken and could never be repaired without Christie's love. And she knew it and I knew it but she couldn't do this anymore. She couldn't have a best friend cling to her thinking of the what-ifs even though she had thought of them too. She fucking cried when I brought up marriage! MARRIAGE! As my friend Whitney facebooked me, THAT'S A BIG DEAL! It was and still is. Christie shrugged it off as her being emotional and having anxiety but I knew that was bullshit. Yes, Christie has anxiety but she also loved me. Probably still does. You never really get over someone you truly, truly love. And Christie truly, truly loved me. But maybe she loves someone more than me and that's why we're not together. She could not fall madly in love with but I could and did and still am in love with her. I guess this is my punishment from God. Sorry, Mate. I'm not sure what I did wrong but I guess it was bad.
With writes,
-Andy Ruffett
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