THE RUFFETT CHAPTERS: THE POLAR BEAR in THE ROOM.

My parents think I'm bipolar.

WOW.

With writes,

-Andy Ruffett

THE RUFFETT CHAPTERS: The Hunger Strike

So I've pissed my parents off and therefore I'm pissed off so therefore I don't eat because they didn't order me any takeout Indian food because I'm being a little bitch.

I guess it serves me right. Ever since my best friend left (Christie), my life has been one downfall after another. That's not true. There have been good times but the bad ones trump the good ones. Let's list them, shall we?

I'm unemployed and I don't care, I'm angry most of the time, I avoid most of my friends now, I go to bed whenever I want, sometimes I can't fall asleep, and masturbate too much. Why? Why am I doing this to myself?! Is this really about Christie or something more? Was I already a ticking timebomb waiting to go off? Or did I do this to myself? Both actually.

Before Christie, there were other girls. A lot of other girls, but I didn't sleep with them because I'm a decent idiot. I'm still a fucking virgin and I did this to myself. I could've slept with a woman. Easily. Well, maybe not that easily but I could've done it. But I needed to feel love, true love. I never felt that with anyone except Christie and Mariah. But I was brainwashed when I fell in love with Mariah and therefore I was not in love with Mariah. But I did fall for Christie hard. At first, I didn't even know she existed and then when I did I woke up. And when we became best friends, I thought that was awesome. But then I fell in love with her. And that is stupid when the other best friend doesn't love you that way. You rip out your heart, hand it to her, and all you get is a thanks and instructions to put it back in place.

Well, I never put it back. In fact, I threw it in the trash and I haven't retrieved it since. You see, with Christie: she was everything I wanted and needed. A best friend and a girl who actually loved me. Maybe not the way I wanted but she still loved me. She even said the words, "I love you" to me. Wrong context, but the words were the same words.

It's probably insulting to even mention any of these girls names but the only reason I mention Christie as an actual person and not just label her "the girl who got away" or "my lost soulmate" or "the tragic removal of the love my life" is because Christie is more than a label, she's a girl. A beautiful girl who I will never get over because I don't want to. All those songwriters that sing about how she was the one are liars when they find another one and then complain when she goes away. What went wrong? You didn't keep your vow you stupid motherfucker. You see, you only fall in love once and then after that you're just trying to gain back what you used to have with that special someone that broke your heart or died. It's one or the other. Sometimes it's both though.

So yeah, I'm miserable. I'm FUCKING MISERABLE! And I want to be this way. And you know what? Christie understood that because she was always sad. She was a sad messed up girl. Now, now she's better I think. But what the fuck do I know? We're not friends anymore. I just pray that she fixed herself and from my Twitter and Tumblr stalking (yep, I have a problem. Probably should be hospitalized) she's seems happy. And that's basically what I wanted: for her to be happy. Me? Fuck me. Not literally. I have never really cared about me. I just wanted someone to care about me because I can't really do it. With help I could. And Christie was my help and then she left and I was back to SQUARE ONE.

No, I'm not going to commit suicide because I still ironically love myself too much to do it but I don't really care what happens to me. I'll take risks. Sure. I'll take LOTS of risks. I don't give a fuck. Living a life with no risks is boring. But also, you need to know what you want. Daniel Radcliffe said it in an interview about The F. Word. Great movie. Lost it, but that's another story for another chapter. Anyway, Daniel said that the difference between him and Wallace is that Wallace never tries to see if Chantry actually likes him. He never had A) the guts and B) I don't think he really knew how. And for me and Daniel, that would have gotten me so pissed off. Like, what is it, bitch? Do you like me or do you not? Sorry, do you love me or do you not? Well, thankfully we humans don't always have to speak, we can also feel it.

But I got both: Christie did think about us but she didn't want to hurt me. Congrats, you failed. Why? BECAUSE YOU LEFT!

Ah, I don't blame her. I was scared too. But I'm older. Angrier, but older. I don't hate Christie. I can't. I still love her. I'm beginning to hate everybody else though and that's not healthy. I could fix this but I enjoy being broken because Christie was for so long and then she fixed herself. Me, well she won't help me so I guess I'll stay forever broken.

THE RUFFETT CHAPTERS: Andy Ru, Christie, and FUCK YOU

Now I can write these things and not worry about backlash because no one reads my blog anyway. It's nice being invisible.

So first of all, fuck you.

Hi, I'm Andy Ru.

Also known as RUFF RUFF. Thank you Ethan for the inspiration idea.

Everyone thinks I should have gotten over Christie long ago and that I'm fighting some battle that I'll never win. Well, fuck you.

You don't know me and I clearly don't know you. And if you do know me, then you think you know me but you really don't. Leave me alone. Yes, maybe I'm depressing. Maybe I'm a basketcase. But you know what? I don't give a fuck. I don't care that I'm unemployed. I'm getting by just fine and I don't care if people are afraid of me. GOOD. That means you can back the fuck up when I'm coming through.

Honestly, FUCK YOU.

Seriously, FUCK YOU. You think I care what you think of me? No, because I know I'm awesome no matter what I do. Loving Christie is a part of me and it always will be. I do not give up on people. I gave up on Mariah and I vowed I would never do that again. Who's Mariah? Read my old chapters if you're interested. They're on Facebook. Enjoy.

I don't know what else I should type here. It might seem I'm extremely angry but I'm actually quite calm. You think this is angry? You better read: Gregory House's Twitter. Now that's a man you should be afraid of. And I'm not him. I'm Andy Ruffett. Hi. Hello. I'm in love with Christie (insert last name here).

Goodbye and thank you for reading.

With writes,

-Andy Ruffett

THE RUFFETT CHAPTERS: EXs

To all the women that have said to me "you know, if times were different, I would have chosen you." So far I only know one person and she was not my actual ex. ANYWAY, YOU KNOW WHO YOU are! Hi, hello, FUCK YOU.

Thank you.

With writes,

-Andy Ruffett

THE RUFFETT CHAPTERS: The Cheater

What is a cheater? A cheater is someone who cheats. Why am I writing about cheating? It has nothing to do with love. Well, except the love for books.

Cheaters are writers who cheat in their writing. That means, they are not original. Writers who write other author's books like some Robert Ludlum novels are cheaters. Writers who just will not quit with a series are cheaters. J.K. Rowling (unfortunately) is now a cheater because she has decided to continue Harry Potter. Why J.K. Rowling? Why? As they say, "why can't you let the sleeping dogs lie?" Or lay. Not sure. Anyway, the point is writers who cheat aren't really writers. I'm sorry. Maybe before you were but now you aren't. Now, unless J.K. Rowling has a REALLY GOOD REASON as to why she's cheating, I don't sympathize with her. What happened to Cormoran Strike? Not the best series I've read but I'm enjoying it. Maybe that's it. Is that it, J.K.? Sorry. Is that it, Joanne? Jo. Sorry, Jo. Maybe that's it. Maybe you just didn't think Strike cut it so you're going back to your old work. I understand. If that's the reason, then I sympathize. But I do not like writers who write for their fans. Yes, that's nice but that shouldn't be the reason you write. YOU SHOULD WRITE for YOU! Not someone else, YOU! If someone else comes in the process of you writing for you, cool. But don't make them be the reason you write, make the reason you write be about you and not them. FUCK THEM. HONESTLY!

Cheaters, stop writing! You're not good. I don't care if you're Jason Bourne, Stieg Larson, are whomever else you're trying to impersonate. Stop. We don't need more of the same shit, we need new shit! And you people aren't helping so stop writing.

Thank you.

With writes,

-Andy Ruffett

THE RUFFETT CHAPTERS: The Definition of Love

For years, scientists and everyone alike have been trying to describe one word: love. It's a four-letter word like "Andy" or "Walt" or "Robin" or "Ross". Granted, every word I just listed is a name, a title to represent a human. I could've used other words like "slip", "blue", "frog", or "baby", but the point is we have made the word a title,more than we have made it just any other word. Love is a powerful word. What does it mean? Everyone seems to have their own definition. Some people believe it's a word that's sacred, a word that should only be used when you really mean it like "hate". Some believe it's a word you can throw around like "fuck" or "hate", but when you truly mean it, when you truly love someone, it's the most powerful word known in English. I can't vouch for other countries, but to me love is powerful.

The backwards of love spells "evol". Is love "evol" or "evil"? Some would say it is both because the first "evol" is just a mask for the true "evil", the true love.

Love can make you do terrible things, but love can also do some magnificent things. When you love someone, all that matters is that you love them deep down and will be true to them with all your heart. They can call you a "coward", a "traitor", or a "hero". It doesn't matter because you know the truth; you've felt it. Everyone deserves that kind of love, that kind of love that takes over, that makes you lose all control of your body. A love that sweeps through you like a full force gale. Sometimes this love is forbidden but sometimes it's allowed. Of course, anything forbidden tastes so much sweeter like Adam reaching for that forbidden fruit. Well, he's an idiot and so are you if you think that. It doesn't matter if your love is forbidden or allowed, when you truly love someone, all that matters is that you love them. All those classifications are just what others think of you and your love, not you. To you, all you feel is love.

But what is love? Love is whatever you believe it to be. Whatever feeling that takes over your entire body and makes you lose all control, that's love. That feeling that changed you from a little child to a grown adult, that's love. Whoever you believe you to be, that's love. And it remains love until you find something better, something that makes you feel more. Something that makes you truly believe Heaven or whatever for sure exists because you just got a taste of it. It may be that touch of a hand by someone who means the world to you and she knows it. She and you have always known it. It may be a glance on the subway, just an interest. It may be waiting for you at the end of the checkout line or in your arms at the hospital. It may be smiling at you as you leave for a bigger world: university, new school, new country, new home. It may be welcoming you back after a long journey. Whatever it is, you'll know when it's love. That's why LOVE is so hard to define but yet so easy to understand because everyone has a new definition for it. And when you find yours, keep it or share it because either way, love is always growing.

THE RUFFETT CHAPTERS: The Crow Cliché

I don't care if you tell me you're a writer, clichés are still clichés. As my pal/Creative Writing Teacher from Northern would say, "DON'T USE THEM!"

https://www.facebook.com/peter.wade.961?fref=ts

Writers of The Universe, writing is an art and that means that you have to become artistic/clever when it comes to writing. That means using different words, stupid. And words composed in sentences that other people have not thought of or at least don't use clichés. I understand what Lee Child is doing when he writes about black crows flying away when Raskin kills himself for The Zec, but Lee, black crows flying away during a murder scene is a cliché! I don't care if you're a fanatic when it comes to crows, don't use them! Try something else like pigeons, sparrows, any other kind of fucking birds! Make pigeons the new symbol of death, not crows!

You see writers, everything under the sun has been done so we either change that or improve the old. Every writer has their own flavour and every writer has their own voice and it is our duty to maintain that. Hell, we can have several voices but the point is we want to spice up the pot and not use the same old bland flavours.

Changing the way horror stories are written is one way. Now, The Jack Reacher novels are nowhere close to horror or thriller for that matter, but still, unless you're deliberately trying to reference a horror cliché, don't do it.

Become more clever than your predecessor. Come on, Lee!

With writes,

-Andy Ruffett