THE RUFFETT CHAPTERS: The Definition of Love

For years, scientists and everyone alike have been trying to describe one word: love. It's a four-letter word like "Andy" or "Walt" or "Robin" or "Ross". Granted, every word I just listed is a name, a title to represent a human. I could've used other words like "slip", "blue", "frog", or "baby", but the point is we have made the word a title,more than we have made it just any other word. Love is a powerful word. What does it mean? Everyone seems to have their own definition. Some people believe it's a word that's sacred, a word that should only be used when you really mean it like "hate". Some believe it's a word you can throw around like "fuck" or "hate", but when you truly mean it, when you truly love someone, it's the most powerful word known in English. I can't vouch for other countries, but to me love is powerful.

The backwards of love spells "evol". Is love "evol" or "evil"? Some would say it is both because the first "evol" is just a mask for the true "evil", the true love.

Love can make you do terrible things, but love can also do some magnificent things. When you love someone, all that matters is that you love them deep down and will be true to them with all your heart. They can call you a "coward", a "traitor", or a "hero". It doesn't matter because you know the truth; you've felt it. Everyone deserves that kind of love, that kind of love that takes over, that makes you lose all control of your body. A love that sweeps through you like a full force gale. Sometimes this love is forbidden but sometimes it's allowed. Of course, anything forbidden tastes so much sweeter like Adam reaching for that forbidden fruit. Well, he's an idiot and so are you if you think that. It doesn't matter if your love is forbidden or allowed, when you truly love someone, all that matters is that you love them. All those classifications are just what others think of you and your love, not you. To you, all you feel is love.

But what is love? Love is whatever you believe it to be. Whatever feeling that takes over your entire body and makes you lose all control, that's love. That feeling that changed you from a little child to a grown adult, that's love. Whoever you believe you to be, that's love. And it remains love until you find something better, something that makes you feel more. Something that makes you truly believe Heaven or whatever for sure exists because you just got a taste of it. It may be that touch of a hand by someone who means the world to you and she knows it. She and you have always known it. It may be a glance on the subway, just an interest. It may be waiting for you at the end of the checkout line or in your arms at the hospital. It may be smiling at you as you leave for a bigger world: university, new school, new country, new home. It may be welcoming you back after a long journey. Whatever it is, you'll know when it's love. That's why LOVE is so hard to define but yet so easy to understand because everyone has a new definition for it. And when you find yours, keep it or share it because either way, love is always growing.

THE RUFFETT CHAPTERS: The Crow Cliché

I don't care if you tell me you're a writer, clichés are still clichés. As my pal/Creative Writing Teacher from Northern would say, "DON'T USE THEM!"

https://www.facebook.com/peter.wade.961?fref=ts

Writers of The Universe, writing is an art and that means that you have to become artistic/clever when it comes to writing. That means using different words, stupid. And words composed in sentences that other people have not thought of or at least don't use clichés. I understand what Lee Child is doing when he writes about black crows flying away when Raskin kills himself for The Zec, but Lee, black crows flying away during a murder scene is a cliché! I don't care if you're a fanatic when it comes to crows, don't use them! Try something else like pigeons, sparrows, any other kind of fucking birds! Make pigeons the new symbol of death, not crows!

You see writers, everything under the sun has been done so we either change that or improve the old. Every writer has their own flavour and every writer has their own voice and it is our duty to maintain that. Hell, we can have several voices but the point is we want to spice up the pot and not use the same old bland flavours.

Changing the way horror stories are written is one way. Now, The Jack Reacher novels are nowhere close to horror or thriller for that matter, but still, unless you're deliberately trying to reference a horror cliché, don't do it.

Become more clever than your predecessor. Come on, Lee!

With writes,

-Andy Ruffett

THE RUFFETT CHAPTERS: Break ing do wn

Hello again.

This hopefully won't be a regular thing.

I'm breaking down.

Let me break it down for you.

I'

m

break

ing

dow

n

All my life I have been strong and content. Then I met this fabulous girl and when she left me, I lost everything. NO, I'm not typing her name here. Her name is irrelevant. The point is that she saw through me when no one else could. Not my mom, not my father, and not even my sister.

NO ONE SAW ME THE WAY SHE SAW ME.

And it hurt me. Do you know how hard it is to communicate to someone when you're broken? Difficult but not impossible.

And the crazy part is she didn't even know what she was doing. She was just being she and I was trying to be me but struggling. REALLY struggling.

She made me realize I should be happy as me and not these fucked up versions of me. My parents want a different me. They want their son back. Well, guess what? Your son never left, but you did. You left a long time ago and I wish you would come back because I need you. I need you as much as I need her.

But she's gone and I should move on.

But fuck moving on.

With writes,

-Hopeless Taxi (Andy Ruffett)

THE RUFFETT CHAPTERS: I Have No Friends

That's not true. I have many friends. But I have never felt that any of those friends I've been really close to except George and Mike. They are my best friends. Sorry everyone else who is not reading this anyway since I didn't send you the link.

There is Dominic and Mitch though. Are they friends of mine? Yes, but they're not my best friends. We don't connect the same way that I connect with Mike and George. Mike and George I could call on a whim and ask out and they would be down. Yes, I said "ask out". No, I'm not gay. Shit, did I just confirm that I am? Sorry. I'M NOT GAY. I have nothing against Gay people I'm just not one of them. Sorry, boys. Go find someone else to enjoy.

Anyway, where was I? I find that you have some friends that only enjoy going to the bar. They're not down for anything else. George and I, we can do anything. Mike and I, we mostly go see films but it's always fun with them. Bars are not always fun. Sorry, Dominic and Mitch. Hey guys, if you have better ideas: let me know. There's a FOR THE WIN by my place that I'd love to go to.

Currently, I am unemployed and miserable. My best friend Christie left me a year ago and I deeply miss her. Every day I miss her. I really wish she was back with me. I've changed, Christie! I've changed! The thing with Christie is she is beautiful and she could have any guy she ever wanted and she never wanted me. And you can't be friends with someone who you secretly have a crush on. But it wasn't a secret: she knew full well that I was in love with her. And it hurt her because she knew she couldn't love me the same way. Now, I need her. Everyone else I hang out with, I just don't feel the same passion for. Yes, I want to date Christie. But I also loved our hangouts. She was never judgemental of me. I could be free and myself with her more than anyone else.

There's my friend Taylor. She's a cool gal, but I don't know maybe it's because of the romantic relationship that I wanted with Christie that just makes me need Christie more than Taylor. I don't know.

No. I'm not ending this post with "I don't know". I must continue. I guess I'm an extremely lonely fuck who's gone off the rails lately. I would write about unemployment but that's for another time.

With writes,

-Sad Andy (Andy Ruffett)

THE RUFFETT CHAPTERS: I Just Want a Friend

Apparently my chapters have now become titles of songs I madeup. Hello everyone, I'm back. I know no one will respond to this because I'm no longer on Facebook. But fuck it. I'm here now so let's get started: another job and another rejection. It's like my books, love relationships, and basically everything else in general. I still live at home and I'm 24. Yep, life sucks.

With writes,

-Pathetic Peter (Andy Ruffett)

A Family is What Matters

Is it too early for me to be thinking of settling down? Probably. Especially since I don't have a wife let a lone a girlfriend. But it's true, I want to start my own family. If you read my recent Ruffett Chapter you would know that I discussed getting a real job rather than just working minimum wage jobs. You might also know from other Ruffett Chapters that I've been watching a lot of Friends episodes, in fact, I just finished the series.

Watching Friends though might have to do with why I want to have a family given that so many babies are born and taken care of in that show. I guess when you get older you begin thinking about these things. I mean, I don't know where I'll be in 10 years let alone 5, but I hope my future is not just me alone on my Macbook trying to make a living through writing. It would be nice to have at least one child and loving wife to see every day. But who am I kidding? I don't even have a girlfriend. Well, a man can dream.

I just can picture myself with my kids in the backyard, maybe reading to them from my own books or from theirs. Maybe I'll even have my own office, and a nice desk with a large Mac. Of course, my vision is that I'm famous and well known and I take my kids and my wife to my readings. I also will have been or will be on The Ellen DeGeneres show as that's a huge dream of mine.

I remember one of my friends asked me if I would want to have kids or adopt and I said I would want to have my own and her reason to not have kids was that we don't need more humans taking up space in this world. She made a valid point and that adoption would make more sense as you're giving a child a home rather than birthing a child to grow up in a house. One of the greatest gifts you can give is raising and taking care of a child and it's even more special if you reach into your heart and care for and love a child who never had a family.

As much as having your own kids would be, adoption makes sense. Still, it is nice to know that you have a child that has your traits rather than them belonging to someone else.

It's a hard decision and obviously I don't need to make this decision now but these are the things I think about.

I probably should work on getting a girlfriend first before I try to live my dream and as of the moment I'm nowhere near the dating scale. I think I need a wingman to help me out. Great, now I have to find one.

Education. I Want to Live Alone.

So my actual full year of university is coming to an end and I'm already losing faith in the whole education system. Sometimes I sit in my room trying to compose an essay or write something and I keep thinking to myself, Why? Where is my life going? Why am I still in school when I don't believe in this whole education experience? The root of education comes from the Latin word "educat" which means to "lead out." Well, not only am I not being lead, but I have a desire to lead instead. Also, I don't find that I'm learning at all. Really, education is all about lead learning but how do you learn when all you do is regurgitate information, listen to professors drone all day, and feel as if the only thing you're contributing to the educational system is a body in a chair and money? Well, as far as actual studies. Outside of that, my writers' group is thriving and we've recruited a lot of new members none of which seem to show up to the meetings but that's a whole different matter entirely.

Back to my main point, honestly, I feel I could teach some of my classes far better than my professors. Concerning? I think so! I think it's worse to sit in a classroom and learn that not only do you not need this course but you could teach the subject matter better.  It's better to be a sheep than a sheep who thinks and knows they can lead the whole herd.

____________________________________________________________________________________

I don't know when i wrote the above but I have to agree with myself. Education is not doing much for me. Actually, quite frankly, not much is. I find that work is more entertaining than my life outside of it. I mean, let's think about this: my sister's at McGill, my friends are either in British Columbia or outside of Toronto, and I mostly sit at home. Yes, I work out (occasional bike rides down to the waterfront which need to become more consecutive) and try to not spend my whole day sitting but that seems to be what I do. I want an interesting life with fun and excitement, not some boring one where every day seems to be a repeat of the last one. "Same Shit, Different Day." That T-shirt would look good on me.

I think one of these things that would help me is if I had my own place. But I find though that it's quite stupid to have your own place in the same city where your parents live. It's like someone offering to drive you down to New York. You could take the bus and waste more money, but why would you decline common courtesy especially when you have a live person to talk to rather than some listening device or a book? Plus, you're usually lonely on a bus. Actually, that's my mother's argument: that I would be lonely if I lived alone. Well, as contradictory as that reads, I disagree. I think living on my own would be grand. I was talking to a guy at work today who said he's so happy that he's living alone. I mean, you have so much freedom and you can do whatever you want. Stay up late and there's not one to really boss you around. I mean, I'm 21 and have quite a lot of freedom in my house, but I still thinking renting an apartment would be worthwhile. But I wouldn't live here. But then again, maybe I would. I found that when I was back in Kelowna, I made friends quite easily, and living by myself was simply the best. Maybe if I was far enough away from my parents in Toronto, I would be satisfied. But then, if I went to York, I would just be shooting myself in the foot. You know that old cliché: "hit two birds with one stone"? Well, I'm the bird and two stones are being flung at me, knocking me out.

It doesn't seem I'm going back to U.B.C.O. and since I've already made it into the Creative Writing Program at York, I probably should just accept that I'm living in good ol' T.O. for now.

Still, it would be nice to have my own place. If only I had roommates.